I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
