I love black thongs
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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