My pussy is not your playground.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
