he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
