Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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