lets start a swedish sibling band together
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
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So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
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you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger