Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.