Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just gargled with NyQuil
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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