If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
These 21 FaceApped Celebrities Will Make You LOL
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.