Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
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My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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