I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
