You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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