Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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