Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
