I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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