there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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