So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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