the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
