This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
