just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
