I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Text me some of your sweat
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
