are you still at the devil's house?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize