i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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