my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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