dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
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he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
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can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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