you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
