found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
