well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
