I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
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I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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