week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
