I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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