that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
