I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
