You can't motorboat a personality
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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