Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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