So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
