im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
