I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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