Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
