I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
