I never want to see another naked old woman again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Randomize
