i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
