my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
