We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
