I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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