She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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