Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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