After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do vagina's smell?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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