My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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