He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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