I puked a lego.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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