you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
