R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
