It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
