I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
