I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
