swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
