Pants 0. Shit 1.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
