Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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