please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
