Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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