she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
