im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
