So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
