how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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