If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Please don't give away my fajitas
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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