My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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