it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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