Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
